Since prehistory humankind has marked his rites of passage with ceremony and ritual.
For new borns we celebrate the arrival of a new soul into it's new community and it's new name.After death we celebrate a loved person's life, legacy and individuality, acknowleging their uniqueness.
Marriage is the only passage we take with another human being.
We are raised in a society with few options where marriage ceremonies areconcerned. But the greater human race and our rich but often hidden history has much to offer in terms of culture, heritage and custom. Let me assist youin turning your unique ideas into a wedding ceremony.
The modern 'western church wedding' we are accustomed to today was only adopted wholley by the church btw the 17th and 19th centuries when it was declared, that from now on, marriage would be blessed by God if sanctified by the clergy.
Before that marriage was a community affair, mostly for status and social standing.
A man would take a wife and promise her security and prosperity to the best of his ability in return for exclusive conjugal rights, quiet honestly.
Much of the custom of modern western marraige is adopted and slightly adapted to suit the new religion of post Norman Europe. The Anglo Saxons and many other Celtic tribes performed similar hand fasting ceremonies and today the priest still wraps the hands in his shoal in a blessing ritual during the prayer.
The reception is universal as all cultures celebrate with feasting. But the Celts, Norse, Goths, Vandals and Gauls, our ancestors, are most famous for their raucus, completely out of hand gluttony, debauchery and hedonism. By the behaviour of some modern wedding guests it is clear we haven't changed much.
Give your wedding the edge with a unique ceremony with traditional touches and cultural intrigue.
Humans are not the only creature on Earth to prefer a “pair bond” mating style. Penguins choose a single mate for their entire lives. While many anthropologists argue that most human societies and cultures follow “serial monogamy” whereby they choose a single mate to be faithful to until something happens to make them find another, the fact remains the same that most civilizations like to honor the idea of a single man and a single woman being bound to each other when forming the next generation of children and their own nuclear family unit. Generally, this binding of a couple is known as marriage. A community joins together to witness the promises of the couple to be true to each other when they form their own legitimate family, usually with the blessing of a religious higher power in some type of ritual as well. The ceremony and specifics of these bonding rituals vary all over the world from country to country and culture to culture.
Some examples of marriage custom and rhetoric.
All over the world it is customary for the groom to give a gift to the bride's parents.
This is symbolic of the loss of a daughter as a helper in the home and the value of her role in the family.
Russian bride are traditionally kidnapped in a mock capture with horsemen and gunfire, all for show of course, today done with pimped American supercars and faux bling.
This is reminiscent of the olde Britons who stole the bride from the groom at the alter sometimes, and took her out for a ...well let's just say, a jolly good time.
Native American's marry only when the man, or the woman leaves their long time partner, to undertake a neccessary journey of uncertainty, in a sense tying themselves to one another.
The twelve symbols important to the native South African cultures play a vital role in wedding ceremonies—wheat, wine, salt, pepper, water, bitter herbs, broom, pot and spoon, honey, shield, spear, and a copy of either the Koran or Bible depending on the individual religion of the families. They are used and administered different ways during the ritual ceremony itself in order to represent various aspects of the strength and love in this new tie that unites the two families. Weddings in South Africa focus not only on the joining of the man and woman as a pair bond but on the binding of the families as a very important aspect of the ceremony. Traditionally, the parents of both the bride and the groom would carry a fire from both of their hearths to the home of the new couple where they would use the two flames to kindle a new fire, representative of the new life of the couple.
A pre-wedding custom unique to Germany is the production of a type of “wedding newspaper.” The family and friends of both the bride and groom get together to create a booklet filled with special articles, pictures, and stories of the engaged couple. These are then sold at the wedding reception to help offset the cost of the couple’s honeymoon. The wedding itself generally is three days long with three separate major events if the traditional method is followed. The first day is for a civil ceremony that takes place at the city center which is attended only by family and very close friends. The second night hosts a huge wedding party where family, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances are invited to eat, drink, and cheerfully break old dishes. The religious wedding ceremony is saved for the third day. Usually the bride and groom are the only ones at the altar with the priest or preacher as attendants are not common in these religious ceremonies other than perhaps a flower girl
to lead the bride down the aisle. After the ceremony, the bride and groom then attempt to break a log together to represent the tackling of a difficult task as a couple for the first time.
Filipino engagements are just as important as the wedding ceremonies as they tend to have a strong history of tradition linked with the practice of engagement. At one point in history, a man would throw a spear at the front of the home of the woman he wished to marry as a preliminary proposal. The marking of a spear in front of the girl’s home would signify her unavailability and act as the beginning of the engagement process where the groom and his family would then go to the girl’s house to officially ask her family for the woman’s hand in marriage. The wedding itself is strongly steeped in tradition. Several of the wedding witnesses have actual responsibilities in the ceremony. The first chosen witnesses pin the bride’s veil to the grooms shoulder, symbolizing the pair being clothed as one. Then, the witnesses hang a white cord around the necks of the couple to represent the bond now between them.
Wedding ceremonies in Yemen are huge affairs for the entire community. All of the guests as well as hired professional musicians participate in what is called “gladdening the bride with music” whereby singing and instrument playing sound all over the community. The feast following the ceremony is also important. The bride’s family is generally responsible for its preparation, making sure to include donuts and sweet fritters to represent the sweet life the couple will hopefully have.
Wedding traditions in Armenia focus strongly on symbolism and beautiful ritual. While modern Western civilizations like brides to wear a tried and true white dress to symbolize the purity of the bride, Armenian brides prefer to wear a red silk dress or gown on her wedding day. Again going against Western standards, the bride’s headpiece of far more unique than a simple shimmering tiara. The headpiece is usually constructed from cardboard or some other sturdy but shapeable material to resemble a set of wings, flowing from her head atop of her styled hair. The wing shapes are even covered with white feathers once the configuration is complete. After the ceremony itself, the releasing of a pair of doves to symbolize happiness and love is very favored. The bride and groom enter the reception to great fanfare as the wedding party (both bridesmaids and groomsmen) line up with each other and hold tall floral arrangements aloft to create a type of arch of beautiful flowers and favore d people that the couple walks though. To signify wealth for the couple, guests at the wedding throw coins at the bride during the reception as well.
A two hour consultation will be arranged for serious couples and your hopes and ideas considered and crafted into a ceremonial sequences.
Legally there are only three statements the officiate needs to pronounce and the couple need to answer. the rest of the ceremony is up to you.
With a little guidance and lots of ideas if you want them, yours could be the most beautiful, spectacular, breath taking event of the season.
99% of the documentation is prepared and finalised leaving one signature each on the day, and the minister is out of your way.
The big day
Take your time
have a shooter, but only one
this day promises to be your most fun.
Yes you'll stress
about your dress but
Your guests will mingle, your heart will tingle. Your married now and no longer single.
All documentation will be submitted at home affairs on the consecutive Monday after the wedding wherever possible.
The roles of men and women have changed drastically over the last 30 to 40 years but marriage as a model remains timeless. How do we as modern men and woman adapt and compromise on traditional roles without disturbing the fabric of marriage and its fundamental truths?
Together we are stronger and happier always.
Together we are richer to have someone to share life with.
When you became one you agreed to swop I for us and me for we. Remember this.
There can be only one leader, but many roles to lead, determine which of you leads which.
Marriage works better if you are friends first.
Divorce is never the first choice, but sometimes best.
Children always suffer most from unhappy marriages and divorce.
Couples must communicate where budgets, goals and plans are concerned.
Third parties are never advisable, incl. mothers in law.
Money and other people are the greatest cause for marital problems.
Lack of communication and planning inevitably cause a breakdown.
Married couples live longer, are healthier and more prospurous than single/divorced individuals.
Ideas for better marriages
Courtship is meant for discovering if another person would be the right choice as a life partner for you. Never proceed if there are things about the other person you will not live with but intend to change, you will never change them. You will discover faults in your partner, we all have some. The question is, can you live with them.
Engagement is meant for planning your future together. A next level if you like. Things become more serious. It is best to begin with the end in mind. Is this person my friend? Are they interested in me and my interests? When sex and good looks wane, will we get on and support one another? If any of these questions are a definite no, this should be a warning that you are looking for trouble in future. Discuss each others goals, 5 yr plans, write them down, swap and discuss them, compromise on some. Are your goals SMART. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Tangible) Make new ones together. Review them monthly. If they don't excite you, change them.
Marriage is hard work. A little ground work and planning will yield much peace.
Marriage, like business, requires planning and communication. Ideally if the previous steps are followed the marraige will be comfortable with each party fulfilling their specific role and forming a formiddible team. When conflict arises, try not to personalize it. If you become emotional, remove yourself until you are able to be reational and avoid psychological damage you will regret later.
Sit down together and thrash out a compromise, find a solution, reverse certain roles. This is where traditional roles can be altered, swopped and adapted. The benefit of, for example him washing the dishes and her cutting the lawn is that you eliminate using this fault to attack your partner during arguments, where we tend to throw each other faults or shortcomming in one anothers faces to support a current arguements, whether they are relevent or not. If she is better with the finances, let her do them, and you feed the pets, or whatever. But work together. This doesn't make one party exempt from responsibility or deprived of information, but it distinguishes who is responsible for a certain task and makes life simple and practical.
Should you require third party intervention, mediation and advice, please contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org. Namaste'
Only after all these creases have been ironed out is a couple ready for children.
Not, date - oops pregnant- ok married. Right now lets sort all this out.
Second marriages should be very carefully planned to avoid the same result.
We all wear several mask everyday. We wear a mask at work, and a different mask driving our cars, or meeting the school teacher or the minister. We even wear different masks at home father, husband, lover.Or mother, wife, seductress (on the odd occasion when not too nackered)
Beware of forgetting to change the mask when you get home and managing your family like your staff. Or babying your staff and bringing work problems home, etc.
Create a monthly occasion where a quick meeting can be had. Make an occasion of it, without distractions, yes even that cute puppy or baby must be put aside. It is important that your partner knows there is a certain time that you are completely focussed on them. It could be a date night where a meal is involved or a picnic on the lawn. Not too much focus on the evening as in will be reoccouring, but play with each other. After dinner, run her a bath with rose petals. Make it a priority and do not allow anything to distract from this evening. It will become the most valuable thing you do together.
Take an hour to discuss your budget, debts and goals. Review goals See (SMART) above.
Discuss all other goals and progress.
Do not become argumentative over money or panic about debt. This will cause the other person to not want to communicate in future. Remain impartial and objective, keep the end in mind. That is that you are planning and sharing.
If you discover dishonesty, a professional mediator is advised for corrective measures.
Some people panic if they have made a bad descision and will be hesitant to disclose it, other are habitual liars. But through attempting to keep communication channels clear and open there is a far better chance they can share it as they have been given the oppertunity to accept support.
The lifeblood of a marraige. It is essential to communicate about money matters. Even if there is only one breadwinner. You have to be on the same page.
Sex according to popular belief is not a feature of marriage however this couldn't be further from the truth. Sex in marriage is the best as far deeper levels of intimacy can be shared and explored with someone we get to know really well over time. It is not a given that one knows one's spouse best. Some people know very little about their partners fantasies or neferious activities or desires. Speak openly during the late night hours as you lie together in the moonlight. Be prepared to be openminded and accomodating to your partners ideas. Be experimental, who knows maybe you will discover a whole new level of each other and your relationship. Besides, this is the fun part
One of the rituals in a marraige ceremony is the father handing the bride over to the groom. This is symbolic of him becoming her new and only supporter, partner and confidant. Another is the batchelor party and kitchen tea/hen party. This is supposed to be a final farewell party to single life, best friends and girls/boys nights. Friends as well as parents need to respect a couples privacy and ultimate descision and space for the marriage relationship to develop.
Third parties in terms of sexual fantasies and experimentation is best dealt with before marriage. It is never advisable to allow a third party into the marital relationship. It is guaranteed to cause serious mistrust, and insecurity.
Letting it go
Wives particularly need to pay far more attention to this aspect of marriage. Sex is vital to a happy marriage and if one lets down the guard it is only a matter of time before it will be sought elsewhere.
It is not a matter of honour so much as a natural urge, similar to going to the toilet.Of course I am not suggesting that one have an open marriage but rather that due attention be paid to it needs. Some women never take off the mommy mask once they've had children, leaving their husband's feeling neglected and isolated as she bonds with baby. (See Freud) Her hair is never done, make up is for special occasions only and heels disappear from her wardrobe completly as she resigns herself to practicality and succumbs to exhaustion.
Even baby needs to be sent off to granny so that mommy and daddy can have some time alone. Ladies essentially you are a maiden, then a seductress, then a mother and later a wise crone. But to that man you once woo'ed you will always be his seductress. Do not allow him to wonder. It's your job to keep him interested. It so easy, and fun. Make him sweat. Make him know that home is where the real fun is. No 'other chic' could do what you can do. Mom's, make sure you manage your time so that the kids are off to bed early enough that you can still s;ip on the lover mask before bed time.You can protest and throw all means of modern politically correct mumbo jumbo at me and call me a masogonist, but once its' done its done, and spoiled. When they used to say honour and obey, it had nore to do with sexual practicallity than being his servant. Most modern women protest vehemently to this line in the marriage vows, and look at the result. What's good for the goose is good for the gander and he should obey you too. If he knows what rewards await him, Im sure you will have no problem at all. But if you think you are going to use sex to manipulate your man, think again.
Having said that men often let it go as well. Personal hygene and manners around the house can go along way in keeping a wife interested. Noone want a smelly, gassy, spikey faced, unhealthy, sweaty person trying their luck. make yourself presentable, especially for her.
Even if you're no George Clooney you can still groom like him.